America's Most Wanted

I love my Mom. Even when we lived six thousand miles apart we still talked once a week.  I really just kept in touch so she would send me cookies or homemade jerky, but don’t tell her that.

Not only is she my Mom, but she is a pretty fair cook as well.  (I will not however, go into her infamous hot dogs in lime jello fiasco from 1967). She also has the fastest hands I’ve ever seen in fast-food joints or restaurants.

As you know, public eating places offer a variety of condiments that you can just help yourself to,  Ketchup packets, mustard, mayo sugar, salt, pepper, you name it.  You can also help yourself to packets of tartar sauce, lemon juice, malt vinegar, soy sauce or sweet & sour sauce at Chinese joints.  Red pepper flakes or parmesan cheese at Italian pizzerias and I’ve seen relish and onion packets at hot dog stands.  Throw in salad dressing pouches along with napkins, straws, moist towelettes and the list is pretty complete. Oh, and don't forget creamers.

But back to Mom.  The fast hands, the oversized purse and the drawers were filled with condiment packets at our house.  I’ve never seen her buy a bottle of ketchup.  Her famous line at the condiment rack is “Oh look! What a cute puppy!” And wham!  As everybody looks she shovels the whole table into her purse.  I swear the local McDonald’s and Taco Bell have her picture taped above the cash registers.

She’s ninety years old now and not quite as fast he used to be, but she can still grab a wad of moist towelettes and mustard packets before you can blink an eye.

We’re making this condiment packet BBQ sauce in honor of Rose.

Love you Mom.